His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
