I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
