Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
