I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
