just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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