wakey wakey hands off snakey
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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