i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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