my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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