Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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