Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
