Sponge bath it is.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
