He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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