no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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