His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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