It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
