textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
