Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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