Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
