The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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