And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
