i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
