garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
