I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
