All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
