...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
