Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
