dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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