She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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