Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
