Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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