Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
