im having a threesome with these popsicles
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
