i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
