I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
