Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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