I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
