Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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