Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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