okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
