bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am one with the molecules
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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