I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
