I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
