you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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