My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
