Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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