He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
