hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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