remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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