Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
