he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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