i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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