Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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