Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
