he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
