you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
