the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
