If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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