paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
