I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Damn victory sex feels great
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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