I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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