one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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