i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize