i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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