apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
