And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
