Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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