my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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