Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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