I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
